Sunday, December 06, 2009

The Feast Of St. Nicholas

Santa Claus, he ain't. Nikky was a bishop who went around saving young girls from having to become street walkers. The story goes that he tossed socks, or something, full of money through their windows to support them. Maybe it was down the chimney. Anyway, the kids could put away their fishnet stockings.

If I tried something like that, the chicks would be calling 911 before I got out of their yard. As they say, no good deed goes unpunished, and a bishop tossing money through bedroom windows, no matter the reason, certainly rates being arrested, tried and convicted of being a good guy.

Judge: “Bishop Nicholas, are you aware of the charges? Throwing bags of money through the windows of underage girls?” Bishop: “Nothing wrong with that; they were headed for a life of sin.” Judge: “And that money was for bus fare to get them there?” Bishop: “The bus doesn’t stop at my house; nobody’s home, so to speak.”

This one never advertised Coca-Cola, one of the best campaigns ever for the soft drink; was not obese, did not wear a red suit with an oversized belt (see the part about obese), or fly through the air pulled by reindeer. When the bishop changed into Santa, he smoked one of the longest pipes I’ve ever seen.

So now we have Santa kneeling in front of the manger holding Baby Jesus. Given who Santa really was, I’m sure he really did.


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