Do You Know Your Child's Gender?

I mean, your unborn child. I sort of hope you know the gender of the kid who's running around the house and, perhaps, asking for the car keys. Depending on its age.

But what about the bun in the oven? (a) Do you know? (b) Do you care? (c) Will asking these questions start a “discussion” between you? Some people really want to know, while others are quite content to be surprised at the moment of delivery. King Henry VIII was, but not happily. He got a girl, we got a new church.

So you look at the sonograms, anxiously checking out for boy things. Hmmm … is that a boy thing or just a smear on the screen? Nothing showing; does that mean it’s a girl? Or is the boy twisted around? Do you suddenly feel as if you are peeking through the keyhole at the school’s shower room?

We used to do the baby announcements on at least one radio station where I worked. This one was: “And now, here’s the news in Pinks and Blues.” Alternating with, “Here’s the Stork Market report.” I never got that job; working evenings, I had to read the participating funeral homes’ obituaries on The Memorial Program.

Anyway, I was watching the National Geographic Channel tonight which featured, among other things, rhinoceroses mating (nothing else was on tv), a turtle getting laid and an anaconda feeling up its girlfriend with a hidden leg. They cared little about the gender of the unborn and probably less about the how-to. Pity.