Tuesday, November 10, 2009


Should you renew your magazine subscriptions? Short answer: Yes. Ain’t nothing going to happen by the end of the year. At least, nothing that destroys the world, its credit cards and disputes with your neighbor. Jesus isn’t going to ride across the sky, the Jewish Messiah isn’t going to restore Israel to its former glory. Forget it.

I do believe that the world will come to an end and there will be a judgement on all man- and woman-kind. But just not at the winter solstice three years from now.

For me, I like movies where cities blow up, dams burst, the moon explodes and Kansas becomes beachfront property. Always look for a man having an affair, an old lady, a boy with his dog and a prominent landmark. (If you happen to be somewhere and see this combination, run for your lives; you are about to be in deep, deep trouble. The deepest trouble ever.)

My theory: Somewhere out there is a giant asteroid and it has our name on it. As we go spinning around the sun, so does it. Around and around the two of us go until, one fine day, we both happen to be headed toward the exact spot in the solar real estate and =BOOM= people don’t need to ask “What the **** was that??”

As James Baldwin wrote, “God gave Noah the rainbow sign, no more water, the fire next time.” So the earth catches fire and burns long and deep. Even the survivalists don’t last more than a minute longer than the rest of us. And out of the skies, just before the hit, we hear: “Th-th-th-that’s all, folks.”


Anonymous Anonymous said...


November 12, 2009 3:28 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

And we the people of planet Earth - being the self-centered and egotistical bastards that we are - raise our finger to the sky and shout (defiantly) Kiss My Asteroid. Yep, that's going to make a big difference.

November 16, 2009 2:01 PM  

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