Thoughts On The 4th

Not only is it the 4th of July here in the states, but also in Myanmar (formerly Burma), Chad (in Africa), Kerguelen (an island claimed by France, exactly opposite us if you dug a hole deep enough) and Albania. It comes between the 3rd of July and the 5th of July. Actually, the 4th of July occurs everywhere in the world.

Don’t go to bed angry; stay up and plot revenge.

My parents never went to bed angry; once they stayed up for six months.

I once heard an egg say to the chicken, “Do you love me, now that you’ve laid me?”

We consume 52 pounds of chicken and 240 eggs per person, per year. What do you think might happen if we go to our judgement only to find that God is a giant chicken? Would he accuse us not only of mass murder but also of late-term pregnancy termination?

Speaking of God, heaven and, thereby hell, do you think if any given classical orchestra conductors have lived really bad lives, they will be condemned to lead 100-piece groups consisting only of accordions? Or banjos?

What’s the entertainment in hell? Endless re-runs of “My Mother, the Car”? Maybe Conan O’Brian? How about “Howdy Doody”? Possibly back-to-back infomercials from late-night tv for ever and ever.