Quotes I Found On The Internet

I dream of a better tomorrow, where chickens can cross the road and not be questioned about their motives.

When I said 'death' before 'dishonor,' I meant alphabetically.

Hurricanes are like women: when they come, they're wet and wild, but when they leave they take your house and car.

I am going to call my kids Ctrl, Alt and Delete. Then if they muck up I will just hit them all at once.

If a wolf can take down a deer from either flank, does that make him bambidextrous?

Before you insult a man, walk a mile in his shoes. That way, when you insult him, you'll be a mile away, and have his shoes.

The reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.

This girl rang me up one time, she says, "Come over, nobody is home." I went over, no one was home.

Coffee just isn't my cup of tea.