Catholics Have Name Choices Better

Our parents get to choose what we are called; I think that’s a bit unfair. Suppose I don’t like “Tom” or some other name. I knew a guy named Orris Melford Groenenboom Jr. Junior! Was the old man getting revenge for his own first and middle names? A kid was named Durward because Durward Kirby happened to be on tv when he was born.

We get no choice. Sometimes it’s a good one, often nice, occasionally terrible. Celebrities are well-known for giving their kids names I wouldn’t hang on my pets.

But confirmation names! Catholics (and Lutherans, maybe?) get to choose these, unless their moneyed Aunt Mabel hints of a great bequest if you will go with her husband Weezer’s name. I chose Christopher, a name with no civil standing (that is, the state does not recognize it, as best I know), but the Catholic church does.

My first two names are those of close family members, brothers, nice people. The first-named had a cute daughter who was my second girlfriend of sorts. Maybe our parents can give us a middle name until we get a bit older, when we can choose what we want.

My bank down the street, which I refer to as the Mafia bank because one of them is either on the Board of Directors, or head of it, is First National Community Bank and they say “Community is our middle name.” I should remind them that “Community” is actually their confirmation name. “National” is their middle name. But maybe they won’t get it; they’ve made too many bad loans and this is the last thing to worry about