Getting The Chair

I bought a chair today. We will now pause for ten seconds while our readers say, “Big deal.” But this one is special: it’s new.

A new chair. I can’t remember when last that has happened – if, indeed, it ever has. I usually end up with someone’s goods that are no longer wanted, often because they have been run over by a bus. So my desk chair started listing forward and somewhat to the starboard, much like the Titanic.

So when it began to make scary noises, as if the shaft was about to break, I got rid of it and found another chair around here that someone threw out. It was in better shape, but would not crank up and I spent a few weeks close to the floor. Other than that, and some stains, it was a pretty nice piece of furniture. Nice enough, anyway.

So I went from a dangerous chair to a safe, if inoperable, chair. Finally, I got into the car (which I hate driving – not just this one, but any car) and went all the way up to the Mall, about a mile away, to the Gold Standard of Exquisite Executive Furniture: OfficeMax. The choices were vast: This chair, or its identical twin.

They had better: Two rows of Managerial Chairs with tall backs, quite unsuited for my room. If I’m going to spend that kind of money, I want people to see me. I want to sit there and have my underlings grovel in fear. You just can’t do that with an ordinary standard-back desk chair, no matter how new it is.