Friday, February 26, 2010

Then The Church's Alarm Went Off

We had a normal church service going; nothing particularly remarkable until partway through the homily and the alarm system went off.

Was it the Fires of Hell? Could it be the Devil sneaking in and being snared by Michael the Archangel? Had lightning struck the bell tower as in one of Stephen King’s movies? Whatever happened, it happened loudly and we all figured that was the end of whatever the priest was planning on saying that day.

I got sent down to the basement hall to check for the eternal punishment just waiting for the greater sinners among us, but found nothing but stacks of chairs, tables from the last bake sale and two restrooms. No smoke, no flames, no devils lurking about trying to snatch our immortal souls to his parlor of horrors.

Meanwhile, back at the main floor, the reader was trying to reset the circuit breaker and the communion minister was trying to remember the re-set code. If this was a celebration of the Lord’s Supper, the 12 Apostles were portrayed by the Three Stooges, the Pep Boys, the Marx Brothers and the American Idol judges.

Finally someone found the right circuit breaker and things calmed down. After Mass, the sexton said the alarm system had been disconnected years ago and maybe the recent snow made an electrical connection between two wires. I still think someone wanted to leave early without being caught sneaking out the door.


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