Thursday, December 31, 2009

Marijuana Pepsi

Marijuana Pepsi Sawyer is a college academic counselor, not a mind-enhancer. She has no idea why her parents came up with that name. Tahiti Starship is another, and neither of these are celebrity parents, who tend to have the worst taste when it comes to burdening their kids with crappy names they carry all their lives.

Yellow Light Breem got his because of the morning light. Tygerlilly is a little girl who likes hers, thank goodness, but I don’t know about Cupcake. Crystal Sunshine Turpin Lemons hasn’t checked in yet, but Crystal Lemons probably won’t be that bad after she marries the right surnamed guy.

Mr. Morrow named his kid Tu. He should be taken out and shot. So should Mr. Wood, whose daughter is Drift and son is Timber. You like celebrities? Fine, but you shouldn’t have named your kids Lexus or Armani. Mighty Fine may grow up to be, we hope. You like sports, fine, but maybe your kid, Espn, will not. King Fender, bad choice.

Tyranny, there’s a rotten choice; what if he takes it to heart and decides to become one with his name, after the kids start impressing him with how bad he can be? Hellion is another one: Let’s see just how bad I can be in living up to my name, especially if my teachers rag on it. Devious; there’s another dumb choice.

In my church, you get to choose your confirmation name (at least, if your parents don’t force their favorite). It’s your chance to pick the name you always wanted to have.

2 Comments:

OpenID helenwheels-ut said...

My 16-year old daughter has changed her name quite a few times since she realized that she could have any nickname she wanted. She's been Jarvis, Delilah, Lizagna, Tchaikovsky, Latte, Jellybean, and others. It's probably because I gave her one of the most decidedly UNrockstar names you can have: Elizabeth Ann.

-HW

January 01, 2010 10:44 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

My favorite two names are phonetically pronounced Sha-Teed and A-Naal-ich. Unfortunately, they were spelled Shithead and Analitch. Sad stories - but true.

January 04, 2010 1:15 PM  

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