Tuesday, August 04, 2009

The Straight & Narrow Gets You Nowhere

“Keep on the straight and narrow and you shall find your salvation,” said the nuns back in grade school. They, obviously, didn’t live in Our Fair City where keeping your car on the S&N will cause a streetload of busted doors, fenders, front and back ends, baaaad language and specific fingers raised on high in The Salute.

Going from my house to my dentist means I turn left at the Courthouse and take the left lane only, because the right lane will land me on the bridge two blocks away, even though I want to be on the right lane two blocks away.

So I pass the bridge in the left lane but have to pull over to the right because the left lane now is restricted to dumping me downtown. That is, until I get another half block and must decide if I want to go straight or right; I choose straight and I better still be in the right hand lane for a straight approach.

Further down, there is a left turn, but it’s not really a left turn even though it’s at a 90-degree angle. Around here, we call that going straight and even though the road *seems* to continue straight, that’s actually a right-hand turn. Stick with me. It gets better.

Down by the dentist, two main roads intersect with traffic lights, which never vary from yellow flashers. There are traffic islands: about seven intersections by a school and a hospital protected with nothing but a bunch of flashing yellow lights and a pile of stop signs. You’d never believe it: There are never any accidents here!


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