Sunday, January 11, 2009

And Then There Was This Hospital Stuff

Some days you’re sitting there as innocent as a kitten. Well, in my case, perhaps not quite as innocent, but you get the drift. Anyway, I was minding my own business and that of several other people when I began to see the possibilities of a hospital visit in my near future.

This, from a person whose last visit to a hospital was when I woke up in the arms of another man’s wife – which, I assure you, was my mother of just moments earlier.

I had hoped to make it from livebirth to somewhere this side of Going To Glory without having a nurse sticking something into one or more of my orifices. Last I checked, there were seven of them and I have personally known nurses to go for a royal flush.

So there I am, in Level I of the emergency room, the part where they actually have beds and which leads me to believe, if I may quote myself, “I’m not in here for observation and this is an ER?” After the first night with a squalling baby (fortunately, I can sleep through most anything), they transfer me to Level II of the emergency room; this is the equivalent of Business Class, or so I hoped.

Then up through the spiral of this room and that, then to this test and that. I’d say I had more tests than the average student and, unlike the average student, had no previous class notes for the final. There were no cheat-sheets for the tests, just things done in strange and unusual ways – not that unpleasant, once I think of it.


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