Wednesday, July 16, 2008

Three Days Of 90+ Temps

That’s the definition of a heat wave. The official definition, at any rate; the unofficial is when everybody starts talking about how hot it is.

“Hotter’n hell.” (I really doubt that, although someone claims to have learned, in a vision or something, that if a single spark were to escape from hell and land in the middle of a frozen lake, it would immediately vaporize from the heat. You’ve been warned.)

Hot enough to fry an egg on the sidewalk. That’s been done from time to time and reminds me of the old “egg” drug message: “This is your brain; this is your brain on the sidewalk with a side of flapjacks and bacon.” Well, maybe not quite that way.

Of course, people also say it’s “cold as hell,” which doesn’t make much sense. The last time I read any of the holy books, hell was described as a place of rather high temps. “Weather tomorrow is intensely hot and you won’t care about the humidity; tomorrow night, continued horribly hot, and continuing forever without end. Temperatures will be in the high thousands and we recommend sunscreen with an spf of at least a million.”

We're having a heat wave,
A tropical heat wave,
The temperature's rising,
It isn't surprising,
She certainly can can-can.


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