Thursday, August 16, 2007

The Monster Under My Bed

Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus; and yes, dear readers, there are monsters under our beds. They hide there at night, ready to grab us by the ankles when we get up to take care of matters in the wee small hours. They wait until we are in a vulnerable position and then they try to carry us off into their horrid lair underneath our cellar.

And during the day? They hide in our drains. Go into your bathroom, IF you dare. Go ahead. Ok, now look into the bathtub drain and what do you see? HA! The top of a monster’s head. That’s his hair you see. He’s hiding in the drain during the daytime and if you’re not careful where you stand in there, he will reach up and GRAB YOU by the toes and pull you down the drain into the sewer system.

Why do you think all those little boys and girls are on the milk cartons?

Look underneath the kitchen sink. See that little curved thing? That’s called a “trap,” and it’s to keep big and little monsters (usually little) from getting into the kitchen. The bottom part is always filled with water, because monsters are afraid of it. But occasionally a real obnoxious little bugger will get through it and stick his head up through the drain when it’s very quiet. That’s how all the leftovers in the sink disappear. You don’t clean it out and you can be sure your father would kiss his mother-in-law before he’d lift a hand. So that leaves your mother or the monster.

Yes, dear reader, monsters exist and they are all over your house right this very minute.

7 Comments:

Anonymous ruthc said...

Tell me, please, how do I unlock the imagination within me as you have yours.

This is delightful. :)

August 16, 2007 10:04 PM  
Blogger Tom Carten said...

I see things others avoid looking at, because they are supposed to think "grown-up," then I write about them.

August 16, 2007 10:42 PM  
Blogger Carole Ann said...

Well now, that's just mean! I was about to go to bed and now I'm a little frightened (girl).

August 16, 2007 10:48 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm still mystified as to how people can think this senseless drivel is good.

August 17, 2007 12:45 PM  
Blogger Tom Carten said...

Because it's the gentle, imaginative theater of the mind.

August 17, 2007 1:47 PM  
Anonymous HelenWheels said...

Drivel is in the eye of the beholder, and there are any number of blogs to fit any interest. I guess this one isn't Anonymous' type. As for me, I find this blog always entertaining, and frequently fascinating. Thanks, Tom

August 19, 2007 12:31 AM  
Anonymous ColdJoshVail said...

He who has the plume in hand is God.......He says who the monster could be, he decides where the monster is and monsters are part of our culture.......We have here, Le Bonhomme Sept-Heures. He was a scary sight to kids (who actually never saw him, but were told so by their parents) who were outside after 7:00 PM. Very similar to the Boogie Man.


My personal monster is that chair leg on which I stub my toe about twice a week en route for a 3:00 AM nature call.

August 19, 2007 8:56 PM  

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