Thursday, August 12, 2010

Egg On Their Face

“How do you like your eggs, sir?” Well, not filled with salmonella, for sure. So we’ll get rid of half a billion eggs that are contaminated and come up with one that’s ok.

Half a billion eggs. Keep this in perspective: those cluckers produce 80 billion eggs a year, whether cooped up in cages or only slightly cooped up in cages (called “free range,” for people who have never visited and find they can’t really tell the difference).

Hillandale Farms of Iowa announced Friday it was recalling more than 170 million eggs. Another 380 million have been recalled by another Iowa producer, Wright County Egg. I wonder what you do with 170 or 380 million eggs? Can you feed them to pigs, if they are not bothered by salmonella?

Get half a billion poisoned eggs, feed them to (let’s say) pigs, eat the pigs safely. It’s like the Mafia laundering money. Except the pigs are the “laundry.”

One company owner admitted to 10 civil counts of animal cruelty in Maine after a nonprofit animal welfare group conducted an undercover video investigation. Then there were a few issues with doody all over the place, a few dead non-producers lying around and other stuff you really don’t want to know.

“How would you like your eggs, sir?”
“Inspected and cleared, honey.”


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