Never

Never:

Sass a cop. Or your barber.

Sneeze when you have to take a poop.

Argue the right-of-way with a vehicle that has more wheels than yours.

Marry a person who tends to say, “Watch this!”

Think you can outfox the IRS.

Hit on a girl whose boyfriend is a bouncer.

Get some weird haircut a week before your yearbook portrait.

Think you are really funny after you’ve downed a few.

Demand your rights, when you don’t know what your rights are.

Complain by saying you are friends or relatives with the head of the organization, the police chief or the mayor.