You, Too, Can Be A Billionaire

I’ve been receiving e-mails from various people in Nigeria who need money, and lots of it, transferred to the United States for other various people in Nigeria who are in various kinds of trouble. They have found me, a trusted person, to take care of this and, for my efforts, receive a bundle of these honest-to-goodness honestly earned dollars.

How they learned about me is a mystery, but I’m just so honored to find out I am on some sort of “this guy is trustworthy” list.

From cnn.com:
Zimbabwe's troubled central bank introduced $100 billion banknotes Saturday in a desperate bid to ease the recurrent cash shortages plaguing the inflation-ravaged economy. As high as they are, though, the bills still aren't enough to buy a loaf of bread. They can buy only four oranges. The new note is equal to just one U.S. dollar.

Just checking, folks, but I noticed on first glance that I have $700 billion gathering dust in my wallet. That is scary.

In a few minutes (just after midnight, going into Sunday), I have to walk over to the newspaper and pick up the Sunday edition. I’m doing this with Seven Hundred Billion Dollars in my pocket. If I stop to bend over and pick up a penny, there’s another billion dollars right there. Why do I book all those cheap cabins on the cruise ships when I can afford the absolute best? Why, I ask?