Maybe Just "Mary" Would Have Worked

Talula Does the Hula From Hawaii, a 9-year-old girl, is so embarrassed by her name she goes by “K.” I’m not surprised. Nor am I surprised she’d like it changed.

Over in New Zealand they have twins named Benson and Hedges, and a kid whose parents chose Number 16 Bus Shelter. Some rejected names included Fish and Chips, Yeah Detroit, and Sex Fruit.

Locally, when they grow up, Placenta and LaPenis won’t be very happy with their ill-educated crack mommies who delivered without thinking very hard. Or able to.

We’re sort of stuck with what our parents thought would be good, or clever, or currently-popular names. Or whatever popped into their minds at the moment. I knew a high school student 38 years ago named Durward; he said his father was watching the Garry Moore Show, a popular daytime program, and staff performer Durward Kirby happened to be on the screen when he was asked what the baby was to be named.

Television and movie stars leave their names behind them when young parents become too taken by these popular figures of today.

Could be worse. Can you imagine the Landis family naming their boy after Kennesaw Mountain? Or the Royster parents choosing Vermont Connecticut for their kid? One was baseball commissioner, the other a writer.