Thursday, October 25, 2007

Certain Maxims Of Tom Carten

Never get on an elevator if you feel the need to use the “facilities.” If it gets stuck between floors, you are –perhaps literally- in deep doo-doo.

Don’t tell jokes about a person’s profession; they’ve heard them all. Ten times over.

Mr. Mixed Drink doesn’t make people funnier, more attractive or infallible. He just makes us think we are, but others will not share our opinion.

If we can excuse it in ourselves, we can do so for others; if we can’t excuse it in others, we should not be doing it ourselves.

To stop a gossip, simply ask, “Tell me how you know this?” Or: “Who told you this?”

We have fewer rights than we have obligations. Somehow, we have to pay the rent for having been created and so we must look out for the good of others. After that, we can worry about our “rights.”

Temptations are so delicious; enjoy them, but don’t fall for them. To put it another way: Nobody ever went broke looking in the window of New York’s finest jewelry store. Just don’t go in.

People don't want to hear your complaints. Really. If you dislike something, keep quiet; others have their own stuff to deal with and you don’t want to hear about it, do you? Nah.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Never pay with exact change when you have a line behind you in the checkout.

October 25, 2007 12:30 PM  
Blogger Tom Carten said...

Four 6-packs, three bags of chips, five kinds of dip and four frozen pizzas do not count as one item at the Express Lane even if it's for the Super Bowl party starting in ten minutes.

October 25, 2007 12:55 PM  

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