Sunday, July 01, 2007

My Own Driving Commandments

I see where the Vatican (a) has too much time on its hands or (b) finally got practical and issued the commandments for drivers. Pretty good, actually; almost as good as mine.

One: Thou shalt not drive with a phone in one hand and gesticulating with the other. Thou shalt not steer with your knees.
Two: Thou shalt honor they who wave you across. Wave back as a silent “thank you” to those who do you a favor.
Three: Thou shalt not speed up at an old yellow light. It shall become green again; trust me. Spend not the time tapping your fingers impatiently on the steering wheel.
Four: Thou shalt keep thine eyes on the road. When speaking to others in the car, do not make eye contact. Keep the manners at home, the car on the road.
Five: You arrive at the same time keeping a safe distance as tailgating. Thou shalt not crawl up exhaust pipes.
Six: When making a right-on-red, thou shalt also look to thine right to see what thou art about to hit. Looking left is fine, but it’s not where thou art going.
Seven: Thou shalt always think: “What can I do to help other drivers today?” Saying, “They never help me,” will not take away your sins.
Eight: In traffic, look not upon thine clock or speedometer; you will get there when you get there and not a moment earlier.
Nine: Driving after drinking is an abomination to the Lord God. Killing in a DUI is murder and cries to Heaven for vengeance.
Ten: Above all, be at peace. Worry not about other drivers' habits or traffic. Listen to music, think nice thoughts, relax.


Anonymous ruthc said...

Five:...Thou shalt not crawl up exhaust pipes.

One of my favorite bumper stickers reads:
"Unless you're a hemorrhoid get off my ass"

July 01, 2007 5:08 PM  

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