Friday, June 22, 2007

It Was Funnier Than Hell

Most things are; actually, everything is funnier than Hell. That’s the whole idea: the worst thing ever created is a horrible eternal punishment reserved for people who have died unrepentant of actions which cut them off from the rest of humanity. There can be no fun in Hell.

Depending on which visionary or theologian you listen to (and it’s always best not to listen to any of them, as they haven’t been there), you’ve got your choice on the menu. It’s a pit of flames, a spark of which would immediately vaporize a large frozen lake; it’s people stacked like cordwood with every cell of their bodies on fire; it’s an extreme loneliness in the dark with no past or future, no identity and barely any existence; it’s a horrible madhouse; it’s a ripping, tearing longing for God which we fully realize we will never have.

Who’s there? Oh, take your pick. The Roman Catholic Church says that all those who are not Christians are burning away like hot coals at a fish fry. A lot of people feel strongly that Bill and Hillary Clinton have direct tickets to the place. Maybe all the Nazis, the suicide bombers, the terrorists, the drug dealers, anybody we don’t like.

We like to populate Hell with our enemies, with people who do not belong to our church (or who leave it), with our political enemies and, especially, with people who do anything connected with sex.

I’m kinda not worried about them. I’m just kinda worried about me, thank you.


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