The Alumni Are Visiting Tomorrow

We have various alumni events here at the college and, like such gatherings everywhere, they lie like only old alumni can lie. And forget things quickly.

The earliest classes like to talk about their loyalty to old Alma Mater and how they marched from here, yea did they march, all the way to Scranton for the King’s/Scranton big game. And they did it with class.

“Yes,” I said to one of them. “Real class. You puked in the bushes and pee’d behind them.”

“Well,” said the alum, “Yeah, I guess we were a bit drunk. How’d you hear about that?”

“Lane Kirkland was the president here,” said another. (Lane Kirkland? He was a labor leader; I think he meant Lane Kilburn. Did this guy really go here?)

“Hessel-Marian Administration Building,” mentioned another. I said, “Well, there’s Hessel Hall, Hafey-Marian Hall and the Admin Building; which do you mean?”

“I don’t like all the changes they’ve made on campus.” (Well, you’re getting a little long in the tooth yourself and don’t look much like your yearbook picture.)

There’s fact, there’s fiction and then there’s alumni.