If Animals Ate In Restaurants

Thus far, as the world judges things, animal restaurants are anywhere the big and speedy take down the slow and vulnerable. They have their piscatorial (fish) menus, vegetarian, carnivore and avian: the basic food groups for the basic consumers. Eat where you shop, occasionally but not often, in the company of your friends.

The unfeathered bipeds (that’s us) carefully shaped our digestive systems over the course of evolution and much later more or less dietary fads. The other creatures of God just go about their business and eat whatever is in front of them. Seems not to have hurt them any, although elephants do get stiff on fermented fruit.

So let’s pretend we have a restaurant for animals. A place where they can come and dine in safety; a neutral spot for companionship.

A lion comes in, asks for a regular coffee and looks on the menu. There is a good roast of zebra sandwich that catches his eye. Then a giraffe enters and sees some treetops that look delicious; he orders the salad with just a little bit of fruit dressing. The hyena comes in, laughing, and says he’ll have whatever the lion is having.

A tiger comes in, traveling through from India. Later, an Asian elephant drops by and sees an African elephant; they chat about things and possible cousins. A camel puts his nose through the door and is told he can come in if he promises to be nice; he just wants a sand-wich and a few gallons of water.