Don't Know What It Is? Just Shoot It

Deer season opened here, a good time to stay away from the woods, the fields and anywhere you see people with hunting permits on their hats.

Lots of things look like deer. One guy shot up a yellow backhoe the other day and hit the driver. I’m still trying to figure out the resemblance and would love to ask the hunter just how many points a backhoe has and how he would mount it on his den.

Lady in Maine was hanging the wash on her back porch when a hunter picked her off. The judge said it was her fault; she was wearing white mittens and so she resembled a white-tailed deer. You’d be amazed how many white-tailed deer stand on their hind legs while hanging the wash on people’s backyard porches.

Not long ago, someone was walking through the woods; a hunter said he heard a noise, thought it was a bear, wheeled around and nailed the guy. Shot first, identified later. He should wear a sign saying, “I shot a 150-pound bear wearing a green shirt, slacks, shoes and whistling while it walked along, wearing a baseball cap. Made a mistake; my bad.”

I think there should be a law during hunting season: “Violation, mandatory minimum two years in jail, plus fine, for injuries; second-degree murder charge for death. No shooting of anything that walks on two feet. No shooting of anything that wears clothing. There will be no excuses accepted for shooting of another human being; you have lived among them all your life and are perfectly able to recognize them.”