The Rubber Cockroach

I got myself five rubber cockroaches and a couple of long green bugs from the Party Time store. There’s something that looks like a cricket and another bug whose identity is lost on me.

It’s good to have a couple of fake cockroaches with you, especially when you go on cruises each year. After your waiter has learned you are a nice, friendly sort of person, you stick a cockroach under your plate and, when he takes it away, there’s this huge bug on the table. It should be, as they say, “a Kodak moment.”

I know the kind of crew members on the cruise line I use and they will probably want to keep these bug things. They have quite a sense of humor and something like this helps take away the tension that comes from working long hours.

Years ago, I had a zipper that came from an old pair of pants. When I was eating at friends’ houses, I’d have it up my sleeve and, as I said, “There’s a fly in my soup,” I’d pull it out. Usually went over pretty well.

Reminds me of this real wussy typing teacher we had back in high school. Skinny little guy, could not handle a class. We had an imaginary student we made up and, when he called the roll each day, someone would answer for this “person.” Anyway, one day a student brought in a fake puke and put it on his open book. He faked a barf and, when the teacher came over, said, “That’s ok; I’ll take care of it,” and slammed the book shut.